AfterWords: “Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child”

 

Ephesians 5:33-6:4

Thank you for joining us here as we continue our sermon series,
“Quotes and Misquotes We Live By.”

“Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child.” – Did you, like me, grow up in a generation that believed and practiced what this saying talks about? Mrs. Taylor, the woman who watched me while my parents worked, kept a “switch” by the back door to keep us in line. And, in primary school, our headmaster’s paddle dealt with errant students. These folks were simply practicing what they believed was a biblical mandate. Well-meaning and faithful people in our churches today will even say, “Well, you know what the Good Book says: ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’….” But does the Bible actually say this?

Where Does This Come From? – This saying actually comes Samuel Butler’s satirical poem, Hudibras (1660’s – 1670’s). Butler is not talking about parenting. Rather, he mockingly commends spanking as a way to make a love affair grow stronger. (Nothing even close to biblical in his admonition!) But, Butler was probably inspired by a verse in the book of Proverbs, by a proverb that is somewhat similar:

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. (Proverbs 13:24, NIV)

We do hear something about “sparing the rod,” but the similarities end there. What is the message of Proverbs?

What We Need to Hear and See – First, the verse tells us that the task is discipline. Musar is the Hebrew word here, and it is all about correction leading to maturity—to moral formation and character development.

Then, this passage tells us that a loving parent wants to guide their child towards maturity, moral formation, and character development. So, we act in love—not in anger, not in frustration, not on a power trip.

Finally, we come to the concept of “rod” – shevat in Hebrew. We find this same word in Psalm 23—words you may recognize:

Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

The shevat is a shepherd’s staff—a “rod” that has many uses. If crooked, it could be used to lift a sheep caught in a crevasse…to bring them to safety. The shepherd may use the rod to nudge the sheep in the right direction. If a wild animal threatens the sheep, the shepherd uses the rod to protect the sheep. Yes, the “rod and…staff” are a comfort to us. The shepherd does not use his rod to beat his sheep.

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child? – Okay, back to Proverbs 13:

Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
    but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Whoever spares the rod—whoever does not snatch their children to safety when they are in a dangerous place, whoever does not nudge their children in the right direction in life, whoever does not protect their children from danger—hates their children.

The one who loves their children is careful to discipline them—to snatch them to safety, to nudge them in the right direction, to protect them from outside threats. They see their children as “pupils,” students who must be taught so that they grow to maturity, that they develop a moral sense, that their character is well formed.

Conclusions— “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” We can let go of that misguided idea and  lay hold of what Proverbs teaches us.

You may have hoped that I could provide a final biblical answer as to whether or not we should spank our children. I am sorry to disappoint you. We as parents come from different places and have different practices. No matter your practice in your home, I want to share what I have learned as a parent and what I have learned from those who study our practices:

1) Children respond differently to different forms of training. What may have a devastating effect on one child can have no impact on another. We need to so know our children so as to know what to apply or to employ…to guide them towards maturity.

2) Experts say that physical punishment loses its effectiveness after age seven (7). Whatever punishment we may use, we should do what we do with love, wanting the best for our children.

3) Expectations for our children should be clearly and repeatedly articulated. If a child does not know what is expected, what is there to punish? If a child is not given a chance for a do-over the first time or two, how is that fair or instructive?

If we bring these ideas together with Proverbs 13:24, that might just be enough—if we keep in mind that our goal is to lead our children to maturity, if we remember that all we do is to be done in love, and if we remember that the “rod” of Scripture is not the “switch” of Mrs. Taylor’s house.

You have probably heard the words from Hebrews: “the Lord disciplines the one he loves” (Heb. 12:6). That Greek New Testament word for discipline is “paideia”—training and instruction. God—perhaps taking that same “rod”—rescues us, nudges us, and protects us as God moves us towards Christian maturity, moral grounding, and strength of character.

So, parents, let us do for our children (and grandchildren), for our “church children,” what God does for us: rescue from harm, nudge in the right direction, and protect from danger…leading towards maturity…all in a spirit of love.

I hope you will join us for this entire series: “Quotes and Misquotes We Live By.”
Next in the series: “God never gives us more than we can handle.” 

Sunday, August 9, 2026
“Spare the rod and spoil the child”
Watch/Listen: HERE